Bin tactics. At times like these, only a Zia perma-rage defence of Nige will do | John Crace

Reform keeps Tice on the bench, sending in attack specialist Yusuf in effort to take back control as byelection stunt unravels

You can often tell when Reform is running scared and losing control of the political narrative, because that’s when Richard Tice is put back in his box. Everyone but Dicky knows that Dicky is a halfwit. A man whose very life force is dependent on Nigel Farage’s continued existence. Without Nige there would be no Dicky. He is the tick with no autonomous nervous system. Just a kneejerk response with too much money. Dicky likes to boast of his small fortune. Mainly because he started with a large one.

At times like these, Reform goes for its pet rottweiler: Zia Yusuf. No Nige-like temper tantrums for Zia. That’s because he lives in a constant state of extreme perma-rage. It must be as exhausting for him as it is for us to experience. There is nothing that doesn’t make him angry. Most politicians do a nice line in passive aggression. Zia’s USP is active aggression. He is the aggressive’s aggressive. The self-made millionaire who is always unhappy and feels let down by others. The man with so much money that he can afford to do politics as a hobby. He longs to be a professional politician but will only ever be an amateur.