Miami Marlins 9, Minnesota Twins 5: Buck trucks twice, Sim gets pummeled

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May 14, 2026 - 03:03

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Miami Marlins 9, Minnesota Twins 5: Buck trucks twice, Sim gets pummeled

When they had a chance. | David Berding / Getty Images

We’ve been going down, going down, going down,
So many faces are to blame,
And we knew that we’d, knew that we’d, knew that we’d probably suck.
Starting Simeon, Simeon, Simeon,
Hasn’t yet won a single game,
And we knew that we’re, knew that we’re, knew that we’re out of luck.

I know the pen is lousy, unpaid regret,
The guys can’t hit or field or throw it right.
It’s late, we’re getting drowsy, but don’t go yet,
‘Cause someone has the bleachers feeling bright:

We’re just watching Buxton, watch him crush that ball,
Cheering as he trots around the bases once again.
Yeah, we’re just watching Buxton, spring into the fall,
Pump his fist and everybody chants a loud “Amen!”

Still we’re going down, going down, going down,
Marlins are hitting, Wallner Ks,
And we knew that we’d, knew that we’d, knew that we’d take the L.
Maybe now that we’re, now that we’re, now that we’re
Set in a season of malaise,
We already know, ‘ready know, ‘ready know who’ll compel:

I know these games are downers, we get upset
When guys can’t hit or field or throw it right.
But even out-of-towners will start to sweat
To see the guy who has the bleachers bright:

What are they doing, Twinkies?
What are they doing now?
What are they doing, Twinkies?
What are they doing now?
What are they doing, Twinkies?
What are they doing now?
What are they doing, Twinkies?
What are they doing now?

And Goose’s quick replying to my regret
Has slotted him the Comment of the Night.
It’s done, at least they’re trying: one last vignette
To see the guy who has the bleachers bright: